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Good God, Put The Beast To Sleep In The Minds Of Men Already

Friday, May 12, 2017

What the Devil Is Going On Here?


Yes, there is good reason why Federal law prohibits dispensing without prescription. Narcotics like Demerol, Dilaudid, Morphine sulfate are quickly consumed within a week, ten days. Most of the dudes I associate with then begin using the barbiturates, but my drug of choice from my portion of the drug store stash are the amphetamines, and most any good reason is a reason to leave the campus of John Jay Senior High for an hour or two or three during my junior and first half my senior year. Many times only to stroll over to a nearby comfortable secluded wooded area and, while on a nice speed run of dexedrine or benzedrine smoke some of the better Columbian or Jamaican, Sinsemilla or hashish that's making the circuit. Ask me in the hallway between classes if I and two others want to travel in a van for a week, ten days …, maybe to Boston, or Montreal, or just travel the roads and Interstates south until we run out of the little money we have at the time and then turn around and head on back to the ranch. None of us are looking for mischief now. It's a time when three people can do some quality methamphetamine for three or four days before resting up, knocking ourselves asleep dosing Seconal for twenty-four, thirty-six hours in some parking lot in Anytown, USA before resuming another three, four day speed run, traveling the roads, taking in the scenes, jerking off with our time in life now. No liquor, maybe a beer or two; only quality smokes when the want is there. I've won many an eight-ball with the locals at the taverns and bars found miles off an Interstate. Sure, let's go. 

Places to go. People to see. Things to do. Kind of boring, too. I want to make a million dollars, put some real money in my pocket before I'm thirty, and then to think and see and feel what is important in life. Amphetamines are the best. A nice demeanor, a nice head to walk the day with to marvel at the wonders of life that are presenting themselves to me each day.

Military pilots before battle are prescribed amphetamine to keep their senses sharp. I could imagine upon return they're given a sedative to counteract any amphetamine residue still in the body preventing the pilot from the want to sleep on his regular schedule. Emergency room doctors will prescribe a sedative like Seconal if someone came in for amphetamine overdose symptoms. What it is that makes amphetamines dangerous is the lack of sleep after five, ten days of use. You can't perform at an employable job like driving interstate trucks if you haven't slept the last forty-eight, seventy-two hours because you've been taking amphetamines. Kidneys don't wash out all the amphetamine until maybe a week after ingestion. And you simply lay there in bed for all those wee-morning hours but never kick into sleep mode, and when six AM rolls around and haven't slept but you got to get up and go to work, well, … this spells trouble on the job. But a doctor would simply prescribe a sedative for the night to knock you out, you'll get the sleep you need, and then you'll be more than less able to get up and perform on the job the following day. For many, many consecutive months I prescribe my own sedative, having a drug store stash to do it with, and don't become wired after each two/three day speed run. Speed my brains out for two or three days, then knock myself out and get some sleep, on and off for thirty-six hours. On and off like this I am, for months until the stash runs out. 

I don't advertise and rarely sell any of my drug store stash. When I do it's only to cool people I know I don't have to worry about them overdosing. This isn't candy, or alcohol. 

I'm suspended from school …? three separate times for not attending classes, and finally expelled after an arrest at the school. This day home alone I am with my sister and her friend from the school she attends. It was one of those quiet and uneventful morning into afternoons where I can't recall exactly what I was doing at the time when from the living room I hear my sister laughing in peculiar fashion. I then hear her friend saying something and then to hear the both of them burst out laughing again. The television is off. I don't hear anything from it so they must be doing something unusual. I take myself to stand behind the wall adjoining to the television room and now closer and out of their sight I hear my sister talking pure gibberish for several moments and then both my sister and her friend break into another odd, hysterical type of laughter. 

My sister talks like she has marbles in her mouth. A stranger listening to my sister only hear and misunderstand the vocalizations of sound she is creating. But I or family member have lived with her long enough to understand those vocalizations convey Captain Crunch or Fruit Loops is what she wants someone to take down from the shelf in the morning. What my sister and her friend are vocalizing now in the other room are pure gibberish to me and to each other. And I have to turn my head around the wall to see what they're doing to make them laugh like they are. 

I've thought of what it would be like if I took a drug and for the next eight/twenty-four hours experience what my sister is going through being under the affect/effect of Down's syndrome. Imagine her having the thought is clear but my mind, my brain simply cannot bring the muscles in my mouth to turn the sounds out in the same way as I hear everyone else sounding out the words. As hard as I try I make sounds that sound like I got marbles in my mouth. But when the drug affect/effect wears off I now realize the disconnect, the short circuit my brain has when I concentrate on the muscles in my mouth. 

…, and the psychologist Timothy Leary is dead, too.

I see that the television is off, and my sister and her friend are sitting Indian directly in front of each other; their knees almost touch. And my sister is now making these vocal sounds again but her face is theatric as she mouths the gibberish sets of sounds. She's imitating adults when they become passionate during conversation: Beth's voice is soft spoken and then suddenly determined and forceful; eyes move up and down, hands moving this way and that, and then the both of them begin that laugh that almost makes me laugh, too. Beth looks away from her friend while laughing to see me standing at the end of the wall, and she turns red with embarrassment. Self-consciously she turns her head down and without a smile now looks at her friend who turns to look at me. I step away and out of their space.

Two Down's syndrome people are mimicking to mock adults. To this day I don't know what to make of it.

Amphetamines are nice, especially if you know what you're doing. Just read about Kitty Dukakis on what not! to do. The professional community may end up cutting off your arm or leg to fix things. I'll simply sprinkle some quality herb into the mix, and with the head good just Keep on Truckin'.

Later on in the days of my life, not much to do in the house while suspended from school except enjoy these extended moments of euphoria each and every day. No one in the family talks to me, has anything to do with me. I'm going through some stage in life to them. 

For the last hour or so I'm watching whatever my sister is watching on the television. I've already told her I don't have anything I want to watch, and so turn it to whatever station you want. And I'm to watch now as my youngest brother enters the room, immediately change the station and then plop down on the couch. My sister starts crying and my brother throws a pillow at her, saying, "Shut up or I won't change it back." 

There might, there might not be a good movie coming on in a minute. Christopher Paul is now checking out the situation … ,


… and I've got to get out of this house first chance I get; stay out.

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