Good God, Put The Beast To Sleep In The Minds Of Men Already

Saturday, April 22, 2017

Those Non-functioning Female Appendages: Nipples On Adam?

Ten months into my second bid and a package from Moms arrives. Two books: an American Heritage dictionary and what was at the time one of the first versions of the Catholic New American Bible. This dictionary has sections that will clarify semantic/syntax nuances with words such as affect and effect. Excellent dictionary; I'm referencing words quite often with it. I'm actually reading through pages of this dictionary for hours, at times.

The Catholic Bible is a breath of fresh air from the past months of reading from the three or four Protestant Bibles I have in my cell. While I'm delving into and attempting to understand the mindset of the Protestant from the literature I'm reading, all the constant reference to sin, justification by faith, the blood of Jesus, … Mary must've had other children? … after giving this one Protestant topic some diligent time in research and thought, I am of the opinion Mary herself would not want other children. I put myself in Mary's predicament: Mary knows that this child growing in her womb was not conceived by porking, and she is humble, polite but obstinate with her responses towards Joseph during his times when sexual relief was wanting. Visions aside, Joseph does not know to fully appreciate the reality of the situation like Mary realizes the circumstances of the child she carries, and to delve into particulars of this subject further is for another time. But Mary is adamant and does not create other children to distract her attention away from Jesus. What attitudes would Mary or any woman develop over time "comparing" children spawned from a mere creation of God side by side with a child from the Creator Itself? Case closed, … to me :)

Several days after familiarizing myself with the NAB I stop referencing from Protestant Bibles, and more than less skim through any Protestant literature and articles from magazines. Protestant authors are bugging out on the same handful of concepts from the Bible and can't seem to find and then move on to other fresh topics to write about and bring to my attention. So it goes.

I'm reading the Bible most all my free time. There's alot to digest each Sunday afternoon, after returning from services from the Protestant and Catholic crowd. Magazines, pamphlets, … I'm familiarizing myself with the denominations and the  dogmas of each.

The cause for any particular event in the minds of people two thousand years ago was based on a different set of criteria people employ today. The sages of past commanded the respect and the loyalty of the people for various reasons, and there are problems.

Paul, an educated rabbi one day placed a parchment sheet out in front of himself, picked up his reed instrument, dipped the reed in the ink bottle and began to place his "inspired" thoughts into words. To Titus Paul writes,

"It is imperative to silence them, as they are upsetting whole families by teaching for sordid gain what they should not. One of them, a prophet of their own, once said, “Cretans have always been liars, vicious beasts, and lazy gluttons." That testimony is true. Therefore, admonish them sharply, so that they may be sound in the faith, …" – Titus 1:12,13 NAB

The bold text is a quote from the sixth century Greek (Cretan) poet Epimenides, whom Paul has learned about. And Paul is misconstruing the logical implications of thought which Epimenides had intended to create in the minds of an audience who heard and read that sentence. Paul utilizes the Epimenides quote instead to denigrate Greeks, but Epimenides wrote that sentence intending an audience to consider the paradox of the claims in the statement. How could the statement be true or false if a Greek states all Greeks are liars? Six hundred years after Epimenides made that statement, the educated Paul knows all about why Epimenides wrote that paradoxical statement as a learning exercise for future students of rational thought. Is or was Paul literally "inspired" to twist and convolute that quote of Epimenides to then serve as the basis to denigrate the Greek community? Odd this quote from a saint they call Paul is … .

Family is seated at the dinner table. I am eight or nine years old. Moms asks and wants to know if either I or one of my two older or my one younger brothers done did do the scribbling of pen marks that disfigured the face of our Down syndrome sister's doll. After asking each of us no one admits to doing so, and so Dad "knows" that my two older brothers are old enough to know better than to do such a thing so the perpetrators were either my younger brother or I. Again when asked we both claim innocence, so my younger brother and I were lying to my father, thus we were grounded (no television) for a week, sent to our rooms after dinner, and then the both of us were summarily whipped ten, fifteen times with a belt. A couple days into our punishment of 1.) no television and 2.) to remain in our rooms after school, later at the dinner table Moms informs us Paul, a friend of ours next door had admitted to his Moms that he saw the doll in our yard, and that he had disfigured our sister's doll. Moms concludes this bit of info with the happy news that my brother and I can go out to play after dinner. Dad never says another word to any of us about the incident, and I'm too young to actually think thoughts one way or another about what happened. Years would pass before my oldest brother had me realize what I myself hadn't ever been able to put into words.

I'd just finish showering within the bathroom adjoined to my parents bedroom. Toweling myself dry, I open the sliding wooden door a few inches to let the steam out and then peek outside and listen to my oldest brother conversing with Dad directly outside from the door of the bathroom. Odd that the both of them are seated in chairs, and not more that a few feet from the door. Our Boy Scout troop is spending an approaching summer week camping out at Roger's Rock on Lake George, and Eric wants the station wagon for the entire week the troop will be up there. I'm catching the last of their talking:

"I'm not letting you have the car unless you promise you'll stop smoking," Dad is saying to my brother. My brother's response in unintelligible.

"Just give it a month. Try," my father continues. I've wrapped the towel around my waist and walk to my bedroom.


I'm sitting shotgun in the station wagon as my oldest brother drives up the driveway and stops at Val de Mar Drive. I watch him take a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and placing one in his mouth. He pushes to ignite the cigarette lighter on the dashboard.

"I thought you promised Dad you weren't going to smoke?" I say with a chuckle. My brother turns the station wagon on to Carpenter Road, and when the cigarette lighter pops out he takes it out and lights up. He looks at me while placing the lighter back in the dashboard, and without a word shrugs his shoulders with a curl of lips towards me before putting his attention back on the road.

My father is deficient in the social skills department. He thinks and acts like he does know and understand people, but many times he doesn't. He should not command any sized military unit in a battle situation. I imagine him someone bullied and beaten up a lot as a kid, and now as an adult something is missing.

So it goes.

The Protestant bible literalists simply need a talking to. They have a contention with the radio-carbon dating methods of geologists and physicists, and stand on a stage in room of people claiming the Grand Canyon was scratched into the earth by the fingers of God …, one day.

"In the beginning, when God …" Very poignant very first words of the Old Testament, because it's an acknowledgment of the existence of some type of Creative Entity. To myself at this time it is the genetic code for life that is the handiwork and a fingerprint of Its existence, and that It is deliberately hiding Itself from our human presence. The question that should become forefront in the minds of the literalists of today is how did It do something, and through scientific investigation the answers.

The lineage of Mary and Joseph is traced back to Adam and Eve. I look at my naked body in the mirror and within the confines of mind I ask myself (and to whatever may also be listening now) why would God one day choose to create the perfect man Adam with non-functioning appendages of the female nipple on his chest? The Creator could have left them off, and It could have made them functional, but It chose to create Adam and all males thereafter with nipples that do not function.

Exhausting all avenues of thought to bring resolve results in a single conclusion: there was no first male and female who called themselves Adam and Eve. What worked in the past does not today.

Sunday, April 16, 2017

A Paradigm Shift In Progress

Events in my life were crucial towards the development of the following theology. I could have read all the books in all the libraries and heard every lecture in every university and still not have gleaned the particulars necessary to understand and then discover. Couple the events of my life with twenty-plus months of focused reading while contemplating the events within particular Old and New Testaments passages and I am now able to present to myself and the reader of this tome a more than less rational perspective of the will, intentions, and demeanor of the Creator in regards to Its purpose for creating all that is within the universe as we know it. Not a small accomplishment, if I do say so myself.

I like the conjunctive word Hanscyrus. I thought of the word after watching this Ted Talk. The Hanscyrus theology concludes as such: the Creator seeks to know and understand the concept of Love, because It wants to transform Itself while in concert towards the creation of another entity equal to and similar to Itself with which It can then love and be truly loved in return. Its human creation is an important focal point where It is keen to begin to realize and thus understand the qualities within the entity or entities of Love It wants to impart to Its partner.

From kindergarten to high school no matter the subject every Western student is indoctrinated with attitudes of "why this happened is because of this," and "if I do this then that will probably happen," cause and effect relationships.

Similar to a Western astronomer who observes the events surrounding the blackhole to infer its nature and qualities, certain aspects of creation lead towards not trivial inferences of the nature of the Creator; inferences made always with a degree of probability determining the sense of certainty as to the validity of the statement. I will venture and build my thoughts within the realm of what is known by the senses, and tending to shy from introducing hypotheticals. 

Since I was knee-high, to family I was the faggot who didn't know he was a faggot …, yet. This is what family members told anyone and everyone everywhere I went as I grew up. Nineteen, twenty years old and the realization is slowly dawning on me, until one day I can avoid the realization to myself no longer.

I had been given a weekend furlough from Hudson Correctional facility. I climb inside the Dodge Dart Swinger; Moms is driving.

"Mom, I think they're putting chemicals in my food," is the first thing I say while Moms navigates the car around the parking lot to the main gate. I'm pulling up my socks …? maybe? I'm doing something while expecting her to respond with a question to clarify further what I just said, such as, what are you talking about? Chemicals? and as I settle myself into the seat of the car it took about ten seconds after she answered me for the blood to drain from my body. I felt like I'd just been stabbed in the chest, and I felt like I was about to die. I'll never forget the words.

"Oh, Kurt," she says. "They would never do that. You know they could get into so much trouble they got caught doing that." The hour drive was in silence. I had thoughts of swinging my fist around once or twice to her face … while she drove … . 

I thought afterwards I should've said something else, to change the subject, because Moms now and for all time forward acts more and more unfriendly, and nasty, … yeah, because she now knows I know, too. I didn't think to play dumb. 

Moving farther away from home after my first bid brought no resolve. I now have thoughts to kill, and it's sad. 

I'm at State prison as a parole violator; second time around. Wow. If I keep my mind occupied the time will go fast, and this time after my release I'll move farther away from my back-stabbing family. Nothing I do works.

I'll begin with an introductory question for one to ponder for a spell, why did the Creator create the dinosaurs?

…,  to be continued - Sunday, April 16, 2017 

Saturday, April 8, 2017

A Mission of God

Blues Brothers Bar Scene

Springtime. Two months before the end of my first prison bid, I'm standing waiting for my door to open along this top-floor tier of the cellblock. Evening meal …, and with my elbows on the bars, fingers will comfortably lock my hands around my neck, and I patiently, pensively watch the rain water pour down drops of large drips from the long, tall window ten yards in front of me. 

My drugstore burglary days are over. I was a short haired, clean-cut looking, scrappy, skinny kid of seventeen when I committed my first of twelve-successful, the-last-two-I-got-popped-for drugstores. And only several days after the thrill of accomplishment from the first one had settled the notion would always remain, that I cannot be doing these for the rest of my life. Someday, for some reason I have to stop before I get caught and …? upset the apple cart.

I never became psychologically or physically addicted is why I went all the way up to fourteen. I could go for six, seven weeks with the occasional cannabis buzz but then one day see another easy ds somewhere, and to realize the amount of quality euphorics to be had, and this thought was too difficult to say no to. A simple early morning act coupled with the realization of the acquisition of thousands of quality euphorics was what was addicting. I could empathize with the Ray Liotta character who thought he could remain a life-long gangster in the movie, Goodfellas, but I also knew that someday I should stop myself from these criminal acts. The more times I do one, the more chance of getting caught, I know.

The perfect crime is a crime where the victim doesn't even realize a wrong has been committed. The longer one can keep the victim from realizing, the more perfect the crime. Knowing this and I know I'm a fairly two-bit, sloppy but cool type of …? dude.

"Places to go. People to see. Things to do." I'm reminiscing about events as I watch the rainfall. Good times. Only good times. There is a reason why Federal Law prohibits dispensing without prescription, and I was careful to whom and when I did allow others on rare occasion to indulge with my euphorics. My conscience is clear, … and it's over. 

I saw Janet for the first time six months ago. The prettiest "thing" this side of the Mississippi River. Nice thoughts waking up to that face. So freaking pretty, she was … .

As I stand I speak the words in silence to myself, more so to listen to myself speaking the reality of the situation, as if unbelievable the reality of what I was and was doing in the past will only be memory.

"I'm never doing another drugstore again." One could coil and snap their fingers is how fast my mind conjured the next words spoken and heard with that same voice I had just used.

"You're not leaving till you're done." Tetrahydrocannabinol is a fat-soluble molecule, and perhaps one of those molecules just got released within the bullyish, sardonic quarters of my brain and triggered another hallucinogenic thought to mind, … the thought is odd, strikes me funny. 

I read the Bible occasionally; kept my mind occupied during my first prison bid. During my second bid I'll study it with my keen, 139 IQ point mind, with my very well critical mind. This day standing at the cell door the command I'll speak to myself with my own volition is flippant and jocular. The rain has picked up intensity, and the sky has darkened for a moment this spring day of May.

"Jesus, if you're for real? make the rain stop, … right now."

I know the verses chiding those two thousand years ago who were asking Jesus for a miracle, and here I am today doing the same. What's next for me? Maybe a year from now I'll spend a few months talking in tongues just to see what happens around me. Kooky religious thoughts I'm planting in my head, and I snicker to myself after closing my eyes, placing my forehead in the crook of my arm. For a few long moments I'm thinking nothing …, eventually to hear a bird chirping. I open my eyes, pick my head up. Outside the rain has stopped. Sunbeams of light reflect off open window panes of glass. Water drops falling through the air are becoming small, and less and less frequent. 

'Bats in the belfry,' is the sense that comes to mind. 'Just coincidence.'  It's freakin' springtime. April showers bring May flowers, 'ya know? I close my eyes and place my forehead upon my arm, again. I stay like this for (if I recollect correctly) not more than ten, fifteen; twenty seconds to hear within the darkness of my mind, the rain falling outside. I pick my head up and watch the rain falling down …? falling fairly fast and furious again. Falling down fairly well to make me think that the rain had indeed stopped, like I had asked, and only too soon to start up again.

Four months after being released I was rearrested and sent to Clinton. The rain falling episode was more a coincidence and didn't convince me, convict me of my status with the Creator until I wrote those initial literal drafts and then to realize the Cartesian graphs while I was residing in various facilities during my second bid. Nowadays, I wouldn't trade places with anyone. Dan Aykroyd and Jim Belushi were only goofing. But nothing and no one today could convince me otherwise: I'm on a mission of God.

Next blog post will venture into aspects of my heretical theology: why Jesus couldn't just stand on his head to take away "the sins of the world."